Greetings from the APTC! This is Dr. S. R. Curry writing. I have the singular honor of being permitted to weigh in on this most nuptial of blogs as Executive Director of the most influential non-profit advocacy group for consumable paper cleaning products in existence today, the American Paper Towel Council.

Dr. K.A.S. van der Schmlloyd, prior to her famed association with S.L. van der Schmlloyd, is the erstwhile APTC Celebrity Graduate Student. As many of the viewers of this blog know, she is a foundational member of the APTC and currently serves as its Statistician-in-Chief. She is famed for her "never use a clean rag for what a cleaner paper towel could do better" approach to paper towel consumption, an endearing quality that let me to re-discover the values that have sustained the APTC to this day.

Dr. S.L. van der Schmlloyd is similarly situated at the apex of the leadership chain for the APTC, serving unflaggingly as its Mistress of the Perforations since the organization recruited her in 2007.

The entire executive committee of the APTC rejoices in the connubial bliss that is soon to enrapture the Drs. van der Schmlloyd. I and the whole staff at APTC World Headquarters wish upon them the Blessings of Absorbency, Toughness, and Purity that make America's paper towels her greatest treasure and source of strength. As our founder, J.R.W. Bounty (1869-1941), remarked to Marcel Marcal at the first Pan Napkin Congress in 1909, "This perpetual union marks the beginning of a bold new universal era of freedom through absorbency! Huzzah!"

Scott Curry, M.D., F.A.P.T.C.